Feel like an imposter? It could be jet lag.

I was really surprised. It was 4:30 p.m., three days after we'd returned from vacation in Italy. And I felt ready for bed.

"How long will it take for my body to realize we're back in the Eastern time zone?" I asked my cat, Jojo, the only one around.

Jet lag lingered for almost a full week as my body and brain readjusted to the six-hour time difference. Thankfully, I had sunshine and clock time to guide me.

But when you experience a similar effect at work, like my client Melissa*, the guidance is much less clear.

When confidence doesn't keep up

Melissa had just been promoted to VP, a goal position with a nice compensation upgrade. But instead of excitement she felt drained.

"What if I'm not up to this?" she said in her weekly session. "I feel like they're going to figure out they made a mistake."

Melissa didn't have a competence problem. Her manager had advocated for her. Her team excelled. The department was hitting all its goals.

She had identity jet lag.

When the way you see yourself doesn't match up with your role or responsibilities, it feels like you're playing dress-up, wearing shoes that are two sizes too big. Your mind isn't on board with the shift.

Two steps forward, one step back

We expect that achievements like getting a promotion will automatically come with appropriate levels of confidence and belonging.

"Once I get that role, I'll stop doubting myself," we tell ourselves. But it just doesn't work that way.

In fact, if you're unaware of or don't know how to manage the stories running under the surface - things like, "I just got lucky," "I'm not ready," or "I'm not as smart as they are" - they'll quietly hold you back or even sabotage your success.

You'll never adjust to the new "time zone" and your behavior won't match your title.

You second-guess decisions. Spin in worry over what your boss or team thinks. Defer to others when you should step forward. Downplay your wins and amplify your mistakes.

It's a predictable pattern.

Upgrading your identity - the process

Awareness is essential. But it’s only the first step. I see too many people stop there.

Step 1: Bring your stories to the surface. We all have unconscious narratives running through our minds all day long. Many are helpful or a least don't hurt us. And then there are the ones that hold us back. When you start feeling insecure, pay careful attention to what's going through your mind.

Step 2: Get curious. Where did the story come from? Family messages about "staying humble" or "earning your keep"? An old boss who once said you were "out of your depth"? Past failures running on repeat? Cultural programming what a leader should look or act like?

Step 3: Question it all. Is the story true? Are you sure? What behavior is it creating? What uncomfortable actions might it be helping you avoid? Is this something you want to keep telling yourself?

Step 4: Tell a new story, and act on it. Real breakthroughs happen when you pair insight with action, and repetition is key. Choose a new story and put it on repeat. Then take the actions that align with that story. Don’t wait to feel “ready.” Ready is a decision. Action creates motivation.

Step 5: Gather evidence. Your brain needs proof that it’s safe to step into this new identity. Track your daily and weekly wins: compliments, problems solved, support you’ve offered, ideas you’ve advanced. You'll think it doesn't matter or you don't have the time. Do it anyway. Most people don't do this and it slows their progress exponentially. ​Click here to get a free copy of my B.R.A.G. tracker.​

Moving forward

Here’s what I know after years of coaching leaders like Melissa: the stories you tell yourself matter more than almost anything else.

You can have the most expertise, the best strategy, the clearest vision, and the most talented team. But if you don't believe you belong in the room where decisions are made, you'll find ways to exclude yourself, play small and dilute your impact.

If you want to show up as the grounded, confident leader who knows you have something valuable to offer, start by owning your stories.

The question isn't whether you're qualified to lead at the next level. The question is whether you're willing to see yourself as someone who already belongs there.